you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize