32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
