i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
