Define "chronic" masturbator.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
