If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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