Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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