So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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