Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
