I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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