Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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