Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just blew my weed a kiss
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize