i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
