I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
