This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
