Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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