so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
