You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
