It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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