Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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