we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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