I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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