i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The air taste purple.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
