I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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