Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
