it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
