if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
