What a fucking waste of an outfit
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
