Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
