Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize