I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
