Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Liz is crying about burritos again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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