Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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