Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
