I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
