Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
