I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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