Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
