is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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