the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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