he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize