i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
