You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
