3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
