I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize