I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
