Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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