Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
