I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
