if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
