I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
