Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize