LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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