oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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