Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
