I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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