great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
