so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
