Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
