if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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