Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
