I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Swine flu is the new snow day.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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