i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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