It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
