the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
