Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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