My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it hurts more in the daytime
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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