i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
