i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize