omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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