I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
