five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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