my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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