he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
