I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Holy sore nipples Batman
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize