remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
