If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
