please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
No subtext here. People are naked.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
