hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
