Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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