im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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