Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
