I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
