I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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