This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
