Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
