News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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