It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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