you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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