Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize