dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
