Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize