Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
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