he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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