Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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