i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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