oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize