Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
