Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
