I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
