I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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