You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
