if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize