well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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