Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
