my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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