brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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