Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
