My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
