New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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