I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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