k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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