we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
