Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
