my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
