I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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