There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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