Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
