What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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