So drunk its hurt
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
