Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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