Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
