I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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