I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
