do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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