The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
