what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
