If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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