We're like a lot better than the average bears
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
