Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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