Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
