Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
