I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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